Yellow Gummi Bears are the Worst

Are they? Are they really, grad school friend with whom I have not spoken in a good number of months and with whom I am now regretting never getting into a gelatinous candy debate?

Rather than spending this post expostulating on why pineapple gummi bears are the worst (or are they coconut?   Not being sure what flavor the clear ones are is just one of the many, many reasons I can think of why her statement is patently false), I think I’d rather take some time to sow harmony in the world of gchat status updates.

In fact, I think it very likely that my friend left her away message ambiguous so that  I can do just that because, let’s face it.  It’s been too long since we’ve hung out!  She doesn’t want to fight.

Given her non-adversarial standpoint, I think it’s pretty clear that she couldn’t possibly be claiming that yellow gummi bears are the worst flavor of gummi bears.  But what could she possibly mean?

Yellow gummi bears are the worst thing period?  This seems extreme given the existence of things like paper cuts, and genocide and, of course, pineapple gummi bears.

Yellow gummi bears are the worst at being non-delicious? Well, they are pretty bad at it, but I think I’d have to give the edge to orange or maybe red.

Yellow gummi bears are the worst at emulating real bears?  No because clearly that’s green ones (Also, one time I saw a yellow gummi bear eating honey and defending its cub, and it was actually pretty convincing).

Yellow gummi bears are the worst at not being confused with bear-shaped globules of rubber cement?  This argument has legs, but to be truly convincing, my friend would need to better define its time frame.  Because unless we’re talking about bear-shaped globules that have been given time to roam free, cull the rivers for trout, and oxidize over the course of a couple days, I think I’d have to say clear ones would win out.

Maybe what she really meant was that yellow gummi bears are the worst things on which to write a bog post.  I think I’m beginning to see the merits of her arguments.